His Point Of View
by funkypartyweasel
Summary: I've always kinda wondered what Dr Cox could have been thinking in that scene in his house with JD near the end of 'My Fallen Idol' in season 5, so I decided to write the scene from his perspective! Chapter 2/epilogue finally up!
1. Chapter 1

A/N: I don't know why I wrote this; I've just always been interested in what Cox might have been thinking in that scene near the end of 'My Fallen Idol'...so here you go! My first fanfic- I've finally posted something!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with Scrubs.

I pour more of the burning scotch down my throat, with the hope that soon I'll just pass out from the constant drinking and I won't have to go through any more of this. But no, the big guy upstairs felt it necessary to grant me a cast-iron liver, so I'm stuck here sitting next to Gandhi while he plays at being Dr Phil. Luckily my mind and emotions seem to be surrounded by sort of a fog. I haven't been feeling much of anything lately, so it's easier to tune out most of what Turtlehead is saying, though I do catch random words such as "basketball" and "Michael Jordan", making me re-he-heally glad that I'm missing whatever sports metaphor he's throwing my way.

Finally he stops talking, and the front door opens. It's Newbie. My brow furrows ever-so-slightly in confusion, though the haze enveloping me prevents much emotion from showing through. What the hell is Wendy doing here? Last I heard, he'd refused to play nursemaid with all his friends on account of my showing up to work less than sober.

Either way, he murmurs a goodbye to his other half and sits on the couch next to me with a sigh. I wait for him to begin, though honestly I have no idea how this is going to go. Is he about to offer empty condolences? Or maybe berate me for screwing up like I did? I know it shouldn't make a difference, but part of me hopes it isn't the latter.

"You're probably wondering why I didn't show up before, huh?" Newbie asks me.

I'm pretty sure I know. Guess I can't really blame him...coming to work trashed is an easy way to add another name to the list of people I've killed through my own stupidity...

"I know you wanted me to even though you'd never admit it," continues Katrina, looking over at me.

I prepare to roll my eyes, but I can't do it. Thinking that Newbie had finally given up on me after five years of an almost god-like status in his eyes was what had ultimately cemented this thick fog around me.

"Normally I would kill to get in this apartment," Newbie admits, "and you'd try and keep me out. I say 'try', because at your SuperBowl party-" here I look round with vague suspicion, wondering where he's going with this... "- which I was not invited to, I was lucky enough to be able to watch the second half from right over there."

The kid points to a spot near my TV, and now I'm thinking back to that night, trying to remember...

"I was the bearded Domino's employee you invited in because I said that I was a fan of Jerome Bettis, whoever the hell that is..."

My face shows slight puzzlement. I do remember inviting the pizza guy in... I'd had a good deal of alcohol by that point and Newbie's face was mostly obscured by pizza boxes, so I suppose luck was on his side...but once again, I can't bring myself to be angry. Hell, it'd be a stretch to say I'm even very irritated. Sneaking into my apartment, complete with a disguise, is so preposterous, so over the top...yet so very nawt surprising coming from Newbie...I'm probably more amused than anything. It's one of the first proper emotions I've felt in a while. But here the kid takes a more serious tone.

"Anyway, I tried to convince myself that the reason I didn't come earlier was because of you coming in to work drunk...but that's not it."

I glance at him again. How could that not be it? Now slight apprehension is breaking through the haze as Newbie turns to me once more...

"I was scared."

There's a longer pause, during which I take this confession in. He was scared? Not angry, not disappointed, not disgusted...I find Newbie's answer hard to believe, but it was said with that much sincerity that I know it's the truth. He starts to speak again, and I switch my attention away from my thoughts.

"I guess after all this time I still think of you as, like, this superhero that'll help me out of any situation I'm in. I needed that."

While this isn't coming as a big shock to me- anybody who's ever met Sarah before knows about his mentor obsession- what he said next was unexpected.

"But, that's my problem, you know, and...I'll deal with that."

The way he was able to just brush his hero worship off with that sort of maturity- a word which is sometimes difficult to apply to the kid...this is definitely one of those Newbie-moments which make me remember that despite all his incessant daydreaming; his goofy personality quirks; his overuse of hair gel; and the ease with which I can rant at and belittle him; the kid is a human being with feelings and problems- and a genuinely decent human being at that.

Usually these reminders are accompanied by a rare moment of sincerity from Uncle Cox- the time when his father died; in his second year when he couldn't figure out why he lost his patient and yet my identical one was still alive...but I still can't find enough energy to break out of my haze, so I remain silent as Newbie continues.

"I guess I came over here to tell you...how proud of you I am."

Curiosity and something like relief take hold inside of me.

"Not because you did the best you could for those patients-but because after twenty years of being a doctor, when things go badly you still take it this hard."

This is far from what I was expecting. For the first time since all this crap began, I can see it ending; the fog lifting. I can see the truth of what Newbie is saying. He isn't finished yet, though.

"And I gotta tell you, man, I mean...that's the kind of doctor I wanna be."

Even though I already knew about Newbie's desire to be like me, this time as he says it it means more. It means that he hasn't given up on me; I am still a doctor with patients and responsibilities and lives to save...and I can come back from this.

It also means that I'm realising, not for the first time, but maybe with even more certainty than before, that Newbie will be a great doctor, and- what the hell? What in Christ's name does Lauren think she's doing with that booze? As the kid takes a sip from his glass, I feel it's necessary to point out the obvious:

"You don't drink scotch."

Sure enough, without missing a beat, Newbie spits the drink back out, shuddering. He turns to me in disgust.

"That's awful."

I bring my own drink up to my lips, mostly to suppress the amusement that's threatening to break out across my face. Jesus, he really is a girl...

So there you have it! I've been thinking of doing a follow-up chapter of Cox's POV in that final scene where everyone's at the bar...what are your thoughts? I'm probably gonna write it no matter what your thoughts are, but still...

Review!! :)


	2. Chapter 2

Please don't kill me! I remember clearly saying I'd have this up before long, but obviously that was wrong…my only excuse is that my life got pretty hectic and it's only now settling down again. I've learnt my lesson though. Try and write as much of your story as you can before you start posting. Anyway, thankyou so much to everybody who reviewed or favourited this; it makes me very happy! Amorina, lilithkv, She'sAManiac, ChaoticPython, shivs, Dr Cox (haha), Bells of Tomorrow, restinbeatz, shopgirl152, Outrageous-Oval (yes my name is a quote from Xander in Buffy!), Reptar Bars, Spuffy57, miki-miki-omo, Elma MacBetsy, and especially rarax1 and My-Alphabet-Soup, you guys are all awesome! :) Now, the final chapter, which is really more of an epilogue, hence its shortness compared to Chapter 1:

Disclaimer: I don't own anything Scrubs-related, and I couldn't think of a hilarious way to write that in this disclaimer.

Today is easier than I thought it would be. I can't believe I was actually…well, nervous about seeing everybody again at the bar- could I possibly be any more of a pansy? Actually, I'm kinda surprised by how many people are here. Guess my seemingly limitless ability to alienate and inspire fear in others isn't as powerful as I'd like to think. I gotta say though, I'm sure as hell not complaining.

"I'm glad you finally shaved," Carla smiles, patting the side of my face as I stand with one arm around her and one around Jordan.

I chuckle. She's right; looking back, there's really nothing more effective for looking like a deadbeat, murderous, hey-Mummy-why-is-that-man-talking-to-a-brick-wall-type than the combination of untidy four-day-growth and a bottle of scotch. It feels good to laugh and joke about that now. It helps.

Barbie and her boy-toy approach me next. Keith actually seems a little worried about coming over, although- heh –I guess I can see why. The last time we saw each other I basically gave him the old stink eye till he cracked, paving the way for his girlfriend to regale me with tales of her neurotic love-life. Nevertheless, Barbie tells me how glad she is that I'm back, and I find myself on the receiving end of a high-five, first from Keith and then from Gandhi, who's taken up his rightful place as one half of the symbiotic organism that is Turla.

Of course, tomorrow at Sacred Heart I'll be back to degrading and mocking these people- except perhaps Carla. Hell, that's the way it should be, the status quo, and I won't have it any other way. I'm sure everybody else knows it as well. I'm just hoping they also know that I damn sure won't be forgetting this any time soon. As Barbie pats me on the shoulder, her simple gesture taking me somewhat by surprise, I realise that, yeah, they probably do know.

I notice the Janitor leaning nonchalantly against the wall. He catches my eye and raises his bottle to me in a silent greeting, which I reciprocate. It's a split second which makes me wonder whether the Janitor really is as off the deep end as he generally appears. My bet? Probably not. Guess that's just the role he's taken up over the years…and who am I to comment on that?

I glance around the bar, trying to find the familiar face of the person to whom, right now, I owe a hell of a lot to. I finally spot him, hair so unsurprisingly covered in product that if he goes within a metre's radius of an open flame his whole head will probably catch alight. Though really, this trait amuses more than it irritates. I approach him, and as usual, a myriad of girl's names shoot through my mind- my inventory to sift through for whenever I feel like calling him something other than Newbie: _Stephanie, Clara, Michelle, hmm, haven't used Miranda before…_but finally I settle on calling him by what he deserves to be called by, at least at this moment.

"J.D."

The young doctor turns in slight surprise before looking back to the front of the bar, which I'm grateful for. I mean come on, I'm not exactly an expert at this stuff. But what I'm about to say, I damn sure mean.

"Thankyou."

The surprised look crosses the kid's face again before he softly replies, without any of his usual goofiness or spacing out.

"You're welcome."

In the face of all this sincerity, I steel myself and decide to go for broke. Taking advantage of the fact that Newbie is still facing away from me, I lean forward and grasp his shoulder. If half of the appreciation I feel for having him around- hell, not even just having him around through all this crap either, but in general- gets through in that gesture, it'll have been worth it.

Oh God though, I really do need to retreat. Being around Janine for extended periods of time tends to make me act wildly out of character- I've never met anyone like the girl before. No…I really haven't.

Clearly Newbie is still affecting me, because as I move away, I find myself shaking hands with Beelzebob himself, while he tells me how happy he is that I've made it through everything. Incredible…I glance behind me and notice that Elyse is back in his dream-world again, a slight smile on his face. It's occurring to me that there's a good chance he's planning some sort of Newbie-style welcome back party. I really don't put it past that kid. Ah, well. Just as long as there's no singing.

The end!! Remember to review! And thankyou all for reading!


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